Six Shots
by TheNextFolchart
Summary: Marlene taps her long fingernails against the side of her scotch glass. "Lily, honey, it's your bachelorette night. You take all the firewhiskey shots you want."
1. Chapter 1

**Six Shots**

* * *

"I've always wanted to try that!" Lily Evans slams her now-empty shot glass against the table. "Three shots in a row!" The bar is crowded and noisy, which is the type of thing Lily usually hates, but tonight she's too buzzed to care. "Get me another," she calls to the bartender, waving to get his attention.

"This is a side of you I've never seen, Lily," says Alice Longbottom from the barstool next to her. The barman comes over with a new shot glass, and Lily doesn't even let it touch the counter before she gulps it down. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"I know," Marlene McKinnon says with a smirk from Lily's other side. "It's refreshing. I've been begging her for ages to let loose." She taps her long fingernails against the side of her scotch glass. "Lily, honey, it's your bachelorette night. You take all the firewhiskey shots you want."

"I will," Lily says with a giggle as the bartender comes over to refill her glass. "Because I'm getting married!" She drains her glass and raises it over her head with a loud cheer. "I'm getting _married!_"

"Not if you can't stand up," Alice says, taking the shot glass out of Lily's hand and returning it to the safety of the countertop. Without being asked, the bartender comes over and pours in more firewhiskey. "James is going to have to carry you down the aisle."

"James?" Lily says, looking over her shoulder at the dance floor. It's teeming with sweaty, half-naked bodies, all writhing in time to the same music. "Is he here? Who invited him?" She wrinkles her forehead. "James? James! Where are you?"

"He's not here," Alice says, leaning closer so her friend can hear her. "It's girls only tonight, remember? Honestly, how many shots did you _take_?"

"Five," Lily says with a grin, and then she picks up the glass in front of her and swallows it down. "Now six. Soon to be _seven._"

"Six shots?" Alice repeats.

"Is that too many?"

"No such thing," Marlene says before Alice can answer. She raises her scotch in a toast. "Here's to Lily and James. And to you and Frank, Alice." She tips her head back and drains her glass. "And to me and never settling down!"

"You're both going to regret this in the morning." Alice takes a delicate sip of her seltzer water and winds a strand of blonde hair around her finger. "I still say we should have gone to a coffee shop. It's much more Lily's style."

"I _love _coffee," Lily says. "Do they serve coffee shots here?"

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Coffee is for the everyday. This is a bachelorette party. At bachelorette parties, we drink _alcohol_."

Alice sighs. "I might pop outside for a breath of air," she says, wrinkling her nose as a sweaty bloke stumbles off the dance floor and nearly crashes into her on his way to the bathroom. "It's packed tonight."

"Don't go!" Marlene grabs her friend's arm.

"Why not?" Alice grunts as somebody knocks into her on his way to the bar. "I'll come back as soon as I get the scent of beer and vomit out of my nose."

"You'll get used to that," Marlene says, waving her long-nailed hand in the air as if the bad smells are unimportant. "Just drink something. We can go dance if you want."

Alice sighs again, but she sits back down. "I don't know why you picked this place, Marley," she says. "You know I hate bars. And so does Lily."

(Lily chooses that opportunity to shout, "Oi, Barman! Get me more _booze_!")

"So does Lily _usually_," Alice amends.

Marlene snorts. "Who calls it _booze_?" she says to Lily, who is sloppily waving her empty shot glass over her head. "Lily, have you ever had a drink before?"

"Not like this," Lily admits with a giggle. "I had some champagne three years ago, when I was fifteen. Petunia dared me." She looks around quickly. "Where's Petunia? Is she here?"

"She's not here," Alice says. "It's a wizard bar, remember? Your sister's a muggle. Another reason we shouldn't have come here," she adds, glaring at Marlene. "Petunia could have come with us if we'd gone to a coffee shop."

"Who actually _wants_ Petunia here?" Marlene asks.

"Petunia's here?" Lily asks again. "We should find her." Lily begins to stand, but her legs fall out from under her and she lands on Marlene, laughing hysterically.

"_Oof_!" Marlene hoists Lily back into her barstool. "All the Pepper-Up Potion in the world is not going to cure the hangover you're going to have in the morning," she says with a grin, shaking her head. "I'm quite proud of you, Lily."

"One firewhiskey." The bartender slides a shot glass down to Lily, who knocks it over in her attempt to catch it. Without missing a beat, the bartender cleans up the spill with a flick of his wand and carefully sets a new shot on the counter in front of her.

"Thank you," Lily slurs as she knocks over the second glass.

Alice puts her face in her hands.

"Come on," Marlene says, taking Lily by the wrist and pulling her away from the counter. "It might be time to cut you off."

"Where are we going?" Lily asks as Marlene leads her onto the dance floor. "Wait, I never got my coffee!"

"We're dancing," Marlene yells over the music. "To burn off some of those calories you just drank."

"And then we'll get coffee?"

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Yes, Lily, if you're so hell-bent on your bloody coffee, we will get you some after."

Lily, for some reason, finds this incredibly funny. "That's a good one!" she cackles, stumbling into the boy beside her. "Oh, sorry," she adds, turning around. "I didn't mean to."

"It's fine," he says, leaning down to yell in her ear so she can hear him over the thumping music. "You want to dance?"

"I can't," Lily says, hiding her hands behind her back in case he tries to take them. "I'm getting married in three days."

"Really? Congratulations!" The boy looks genuinely excited for her. "D'you mind if I dance next to you?"

Lily considers this. "Okay," she says. "That's not cheating, I suppose."

"Not at all." The boy sways his hips in time with the music. Lily tries to mimic his movements, but every part of her feels heavy and slow, so she settles for putting her hands in the air and using momentum to swing them back and forth.

"I'm Lily," she says to the boy.

"I'm Dirk," he says, giving her a little wave.

"I was supposed to go to a coffee shop tonight, but Marlene said we should come here."

"Who's Marlene?" Dirk asks.

"My Maid of Honor. I'm getting married in three days."

"I know, you told me. Congratulations. Where's the wedding?"

"In Godric's Hollow." Lily's eyes grow wide. "You should come!"

"Come to your wedding?"

"Yes!" Lily begins to bounce up and down. "It's 557 Church Street in Godric's Hollow. At noon, in three days. You should come."

Dirk laughs. "Okay," he says. "I'll be there."

"Hooray!" Lily wraps her new friend in a hug, and the rest of the night is too much of a blur for her to remember.

* * *

The doorbell rings the next morning, and Lily decides she's going to murder whoever is at her door.

"What?" she moans from her place on the couch, where she collapsed last night after Marlene and Alice carried her home.

"It's me," says a voice that could belong to James - but Lily can't remember anything except for her pounding headache, so she can't be sure. "Can I come in?"

"Locked," she grunts, heaving herself up off the couch. "I'll get it. Hang on."

"_Alohomora,_" says James, and her lock clicks open. "Someone looks lovely," he says when he opens the door.

Lily presses her palms against her eyes and sinks back into the couch. "Six shots," she says. "I had _six shots_. Maybe more."

James is smirking as he sits down next to her and gently pulls her into a lying-down position across his lap. "So the bachelorette party was a success, I take it?"

"It was so noisy," she says. "Marlene took me to a _bar_."

"Sounds like you enjoyed it, if you had six shots."

"I spilled two of them," she says, keeping her eyes closed.

There is a gentle pressure against her lips as James bends down to kiss her. "You_ taste_ like six shots," he says, wrinkling his nose, and Lily raises a hand to feebly slap his arm.

"I don't even remember most of the night," she says. "I know I liked the firewhiskey. I know I kept asking for a coffee, which I don't think I ever got. I know I was dancing." She groans and opens her eyes. "If a bloke called Dirk randomly shows up at our wedding, don't question it."

James raises his eyebrows and smirks. "You were inviting people to our wedding?"

"Just one person. I think." She sits up and rubs her temples. "I'm going to _kill _Marlene."

"We'll try to avoid bars on the honeymoon," James promises, winding his fingers through hers.

"I already drank two Pepper-Up Potions this morning, and they've barely put a dent in the headache."

"Pepper-Up Potions are no good for hangovers."

"Obviously." She moans. "If I'd picked Alice as my Maid of Honor, we would have had a nice quiet evening at a coffee shop."

"Doesn't sound like much of a party," James says.

"But I don't _like _parties. I just like boring old alcohol-less caffeine."

James stands and offers her his hands. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Lily asks, but she lets him pull her to her feet.

"Out."

"Where?" She scrubs at her eyes. "Why?"

"I'm throwing you a Lily Evans-approved party. And it doubles as a hangover cure." He kisses her again, in spite of the firewhiskey that lingers on her breath. "Get dressed. We're going for coffee."

* * *

_Quidditch League, Semi-Finals  
__Position: Keeper  
__Word Count: 1691  
__Prompt: Chain Sentences - Begin with the last sentence of the team member who posted before you [__"I've always wanted to try that!" from Lara's "The Beach" (Story ID: 10937378)]_

_[2015 New Years Resolution Competition: Humor]_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This wasn't supposed to be continued, but I can't deny Amber anything, so here's the sequel :)_

* * *

The man called Dirk stands near the back of the church with his gift clutched awkwardly in both hands.

He isn't sure why he's here - he doesn't know the groom, barely knows the bride - but _557 Church Street _has been stuck in his head for three days, so here he is. He sits down in the very back row, next to a woman with a thin, horsey face and an expression that is a cross between boredom and disgust. "Here for Lila?" he asks when he slides into place beside her, and the woman glares at him and inches away.

"It's _Lily_," she says. "I'm her sister."

"Lily," Dirk says. "Right." He offers a nervous grin and a shrug. "I only met her a few days ago. At the Hog's Head?" He waits for a response, but Lily's sister stares straight ahead in silence. "The bar?"

"I don't frequent bars," the sister says.

"That must be how you stay so thin." Dirk leans down to set his present at his feet. "I brought them coffee beans," he explains. "Lila - sorry, _Lily_ \- I know she likes coffee shops."

"You know a lot about my sister considering you met her a few days ago in a bar," the woman says snidely.

Dirk lets out a little laugh. "Yeah, I s'pose I do. Details just stick in my mind. Even when I'm drunk. Can't help remembering things." He taps his temple.

"And yet you can't remember her name."

Dirk laughs again. "Can't remember yours, either," he says. "But maybe that's because you haven't given it to me yet."

The sister is still staring straight ahead. Her blonde hair, which is only slightly lighter than Lily's strawberry locks, is arranged to cascade over one shoulder of her pink dress; Dirk, who hasn't even bothered to shave, feels wildly underdressed in comparison. "Petunia," she says finally. "And I'm engaged, so don't even think about trying anything."

"Petunia and Lily. Were your parents gardeners?"

Petunia lets out a shocked little laugh - and judging by the horrified expression on her face, she hadn't meant to do it.

"Hey." Dirk waits for her to face him. "Look, I dunno if anyone's told you, but this is a _wedding. _It isn't a funeral. You're allowed some fun, if you want."

Petunia narrows her eyes. "I believe it's your turn to introduce yourself."

"Dirk." He offers his hand, but she doesn't shake. "Dirk Cresswell. Junior Intern at the Goblin Liaison Office at the Ministry of Magic."

Petunia closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. "Oh, _God. _You're one of _them_."

Dirk blinks. "Er, sorry - one of who?"

Petunia begins to massage her temples. "_Wizard._"

"Oh! Yes. I'm one of them. Are you . . . not?"

"No." She opens her eyes and glares at him before scooting a few more inches down the pew. "I'm _normal_."

"Squib?" Dirk asks, sending her a supportive smile. "Or muggle?"

"_Neither_."

"I'm confused." Dirk picks up his present and slides after her.

"I'm just a normal human woman who wants to be left _alone_."

"I'm going to assume muggle," Dirk says. "Which means - is Lily muggleborn?"

"Lily," Petunia says through clenched teeth, "has called in every favor I owe her just to get me to _show up _today. She says nothing about a pushy _freak_ in the back row."

"To be fair," Dirk says, only mildly offended, "she probably didn't know I was coming when she invited you." He crosses one leg over the other. "I'm a muggleborn, too," he says. "My mum and dad don't have magic. They were quite supportive when my Hogwarts letter came, though." He looks at Petunia from the corner of his eye. "It's nice to have a supportive family."

"I'm plenty supportive," she snaps.

"Yes, I can see that by the way you called me a freak."

"I'm not supportive of _you_."

Down in front, the music begins to play; the rest of the wedding guests rise to their feet, and Dirk and Petunia follow suit. "What did you get them?" he asks quietly as Lily makes her way down the aisle in a sparkling white gown.

"I didn't." Petunia shrugs. "Anything they need they can just _magick _up for themselves."

"That isn't exactly how it works," Dirk says as they take their seats again. "We have rules. Limitations."

"I don't care. My wedding gift is the fact that I came to the bloody wedding."

"I'm sure Lily and - ah, what's the groom's name?"

"James."

"I'm sure Lily and James appreciate your presence." Dirk leans forward and squints. "Hey, I think I know him."

"James?"

"No, the Best Man. I think - is that Sirius Black?"

"I have no idea," Petunia says.

"I think it is." Dirk begins to bounce with excitement. "He was a year ahead of me in school - owns a _flying motorcycle_, can you believe it? He let me ride it once." He sighs wistfully. "Doubt he remembers my name."

"Dirk Cresswell," Petunia says.

He turns. "Yes?"

Her cheeks flush the palest pink. "That's your name. Dirk Cresswell."

"Oh." He reaches around for something to say, but all he comes up with is, "Yes, it is."

Petunia leans back against her pew with a satisfied little smirk playing at her lips.

They don't say anything else for the rest of the ceremony. Dirk claps along with everyone else when the couple exchange rings - Petunia leaves her hands stubbornly in her lap - and when it's over, he moves out of the pew and into the reception hall as quickly as he can to avoid the crying multitudes. When he looks around to find the bride's sister, she is nowhere to be found, so he settles into a corner in the back and watches people mingle while he clutches at his present with both hands.

"Hullo, Sirius," he calls when the Best Man wanders past, but the generic wave he gets in return is confirmation that Sirius doesn't remember him. Dirk adjusts his grip on the bag of coffee beans and goes in search of the gift table. He finds it next to the wedding cake and drops his parcel into the pile.

"I should have brought something."

Dirk turns around to see Petunia, who is staring at the gifts with a somewhat regretful look on her face.

"Don't feel bad," he says. "Look at all the gifts they got. They'll hardly miss one from you."

It's the wrong thing to say. Petunia's eyes well up with tears; she purses her lips and swallows hard. "I'm not supportive," she says. "Never have been, not since she found out she was a witch. She had to beg before I agreed to come - can you believe it? I was going to skip my own sister's wedding." She laughs a little as the first tear spills over.

"Don't cry." Dirk pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and offers it to her. "Here, you know what? We can fix this." He picks up his gift and hands it to Petunia. "Hold this."

She sniffles as she takes the bag of coffee beans. "What are you doing?"

He begins to fish around in his pocket. "Just hold it," he says as he pulls out his wand.

She backs away. "Don't point that thing at me."

Dirk raises his hands in surrender. "I'm not. I'm pointing it at the card. Is that okay?"

Petunia eyes him distrustfully, but in the end she nods. Dirk taps the card once, and the ink rearranges itself. In seconds, _To Lily, From Dirk _becomes _To Lily, Love Petunia_.

"There," Dirk says, stowing his wand. "Now you've brought her a gift."

Petunia stares at the package in her hands. "But . . . what about . . . you?"

Dirk shrugs. "They don't even know me. I'm not supposed to be here. They'll hardly miss a gift from me."

Petunia is still looking at the present as she sets it down carefully on the gifts table. "Thank you," she says quietly. "Really. Thank you."

"It's nothing," he says with a wink. "I'm glad you decided to come."

* * *

"Did that Dirk character ever show up?" James asks that night when the festivities are over.

Lily emerges from the bathroom clad in her nightgown and threads her arms around his neck. _Lily Potter, _she thinks, over and over. _I am Lily Potter now__._ It brings a smile to her face."I didn't see him, no."

James smirks. "I can't believe you invited people to our wedding."

"Person," corrects Lily, pressing a kiss into his lips. "Only one person. And he didn't even come."

"You sound disappointed." James wraps her up in his arms and sits down on their bed, pulling her with him.

"You caught me," Lily says a little breathlessly, but she rolls her eyes for effect. "I was planning on leaving you at the altar and running away with the stranger I met at my hen night."

"I knew it." James winks and kisses the tip of her nose. "So, Mrs. Potter," he says, letting go of her and stretching out on the bed. "What do you want to do now?"

"Open presents. Obviously."

James sits up eagerly. "Really?"

She raises her eyebrows. "I was joking."

"Oh." He lies back down, grin fading off his face.

Lily laughs. "I'm too tired for that now," she says. "We can save it for tomorrow. What I'd really like to do is fall asleep in the arms of my husband."

"Okay." He opens his arms, but there is disappointment in his eyes, and it makes Lily smirk.

"Oh, James, you're such a child."

"What does that make you, then, if you married me?" he asks, arching one eyebrow, and she laughs.

"We can open _one _present now," she says.

He shakes his head. "We don't have to. If you're tired - "

"James. I want you to open a present."

His mouth spreads into a grin. "You're right," he says, kissing her on the cheek before bounding out of bed. "I think I _am _a child." He picks up a present from the pile of gifts in the corner and brings it back to their bed.

"_James_," Lily says as he begins to tear off the paper. "Read the card first."

He glances at it. "From Petunia," he says, ripping off the rest of the paper. "Nice of her to get us a gift." He holds up the fully unwrapped bag and frowns. "Coffee beans."

"Coffee beans?" Lily repeats, crawling over to see. "I don't get it."

"D'you two have any inside jokes about coffee beans?"

Lily shakes her head and furrows her brow. "None." She shrugs. "It's probably some cleverly hidden insult. Don't even bother thinking about it."

James, looking disappointed again, drops the coffee beans at the foot of the bed. "Can I open another?" he asks. "I'm sure Sirius got us something good."

"Not tonight." Lily reaches for him; he takes her hands and lets her pull him against her. "In the morning."

"Okay," he says, kissing the top of her head as she snuggles into his chest. "Goodnight, Mrs. Potter."

She peeks out at him. "Who says I'm going to sleep?"

"You said you were tired."

She looks up at him with a wicked glint in her eye. "It's the _wedding night_, James," she says.

He smirks. "Oh?"

"Don't play dumb. You know what happens on the wedding night."

James grins and kisses her gently. "So I suppose I _do _get another gift tonight, don't I," he murmurs against her lips, and the rest of it is lost within the bedsheets.

Dirk Cresswell's bag of coffee beans slides off the foot of the bed and lands facedown on the floor.


End file.
